


Baby It's Cold Outside

by Slim Shady (NoraPenblood)



Category: Total Drama
Genre: Fluff, M/M, i wrote this in ten minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2508341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoraPenblood/pseuds/Slim%20Shady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris is a dork.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby It's Cold Outside

**Author's Note:**

> I might rewrite this...some day...

Chef was not one for soft shit, too often. Atleast, he liked to tell people that, and most people wouldn't risk arguing the fact. Most people, that is, aside from Chris McLean.  
Chris was a special case, though. He was obnoxious, infuriating, but Chef stuck around anyway. The man never paid him a dime, but he let him share in the luxury he lived. It wasn't always easy, but the fact that he loved the little prick certainly helped.  
Sometimes, though. Sometimes he started to wonder why he was staying with him. Chris had no respect for him, he rarely ever openly reciprocated any of his attempts at romance. He was affectionate enough when they were in bed, giving him looks that other people would no doubt kill to have aimed at them. But sometimes Chef just wanted a little of that adoration outside of the bedroom. Maybe just holding hands, or some kind of compliment would be nice. Hell, he wasn't asking the guy to propose. It wasn't that much to want, really.  
He was thinking about all of this when he trudged through the snow back to their home. It wasn't unusual for this time of year, but Chef still didn't like having to walk through half a mile of white shit just to get home to Chris's skinny ass. He tugged his coat tighter around his bulky shoulders and shoved open the door, a scowl on his face.  
That is, he was scowling right up until he saw the hastily thrown flower petals on the floor. He raised a brow, pursing his lips. "Chris?" His voice was wary, like he expected some kind of trick. Some more bullshit to add to the list of why he shouldn't be putting up with this.  
He shut the door behind himself, shaking the snow off his boots before taking a few hesitant steps forward. He was looking around for any kind of trip wires or cameras or something. All he ended up finding was the sound of music trailing from the direction of their bedroom. It sounded like some kind of... piano or something. Definitively romantic, in any case, and Chef had to stop in his tracks and press his face into his hands. This was absolutely some kind of fucking prank. Chris probably had a camera in there, ready to catch the hopeful look on Chef's face he no doubt assumed he'd be getting. But no, Chef was not playing by those rules. Not tonight.  
He took a deep breath, on the verge of laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation, at the goddamn "Baby It's Cold Outside" that was now filling the hallway and the surrounding rooms. He was so completely caught off gaurd when he rounded the corner, ready to flick off the cameras, and he found Chris lying on his bed like he was in some kind of modelling shoot.  
"Chef! Ah..." He cleared his throat and smoothed a hand back through his hair, his face red as he tried to keep up his cool. "I mean. /Chef/. Aren't you happy to see me?" He'd dropped his voice an octave, trying to play it cool, trying to make himself sexier than he *clearly* already was.  
Chef couldn't hold it in anymore, his eyes raking over Chris's half naked body, the candles and the rediculous lights that hadn't been there when he left earlier. The goddamned silk sheets that he absolutely had never seen before, the flowers strewn all over the floor. He burst out laughing, absolutely doubling over with one hand over his heart and the other on his knee.  
Chris sat up - his face roughly the same shade of red as his new sheets - and huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest, furrowing his brows. "Chef! What's so funny, man? This isn't... It's not funny! I'm trying to be sexy - I /am/ being sexy!" His chest was flushed and he shifted uncomfortably, trying to cover up his obvious embarassment with more bravado. "It's not my fault if you can't appreciate how hot I am! Maybe I shouldn't let you have sex with me, huh? I bet you just can't handle it. You can't handle my cock, man, that's what it is. The Chris McLean package is too much for you to take!" He was growing increasingly flushed, huffing and puffing and whining.  
It took Chef a few minutes to calm down, his ribs aching from laughing so hard as he walked across the room towards Chris. He took a moment to turn down that awful music before he turned back to face him, standing right beside the bed. "I can handle it just fine, Chris. I can't handle... Pfft. I can't handle whatever this is." He reached out, quieting the newest string of protests by curling his fingers around Chris's throat and squeezing lightly. "If ya wanted to fuck me, you could just ask. This ain't necessary."  
Chris inhaled sharply, eyes drifting up to Chef's face as he licked his lips. He finally stopped talking, Adam's apple bobbing against the rough palm of Chef's hand. "It's not..." He cleared his throat, "it's not /just/ about fucking, yanno. Maybe I wanted to do something nice."  
That had Chef raising an eyebrow yet again, fingers slackening slightly. "It ain't? You had me under a different impression, I gotta say." He let a little of the accusation slip into his tone and he could see Chris grimace. Maybe he'd been mistaken.  
"I don't... Dude. Dude, I love you and shit, yeah? I mean... Like, that's why I'm with you." He gave a nonchalant shrug, like he wasn't lying half-naked on a silk covered bed surrounded by candles.  
Chef decided to save the poor man before he hurt himself trying to display his emotions. He leaned down and kissed him, sliding his hand around to rest on the back of his head. "I love you too, asshole."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! If you liked this, my blog is striderfvcker.tumblr.com
> 
> My SFW ao3 account is http://archiveofourown.org/users/striderfvcker/pseuds/striderfvcker
> 
> and if you feel like buying me a coffee: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A850LD4)


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